Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Meet A Good Woman: Danielle Moser - @fancybiscuit

Married: At age 20. Married for 7 years. 27 years old today.

Career: I work for a local retail store in my city and sell designer apparel online. My husband works for a private car detailing company. Not careers, per say, but we aren't really looking for careers. :)
Read Danielle's blog & follow her on Twitter!


Adjectives, please? Just so we know what we’re working with here.
Danielle = Emotional, outgoing, loud, abrasive, unfiltered, friendly, fun, excited, rolls with the punches.
Brett = Calm, neutral tempered, accepting, loving, sweet, happy, determined, well mannered, technical.

When’d you meet your husband? First year of college, and I was in a broken relationship with a very deranged person. He became my best friend long before we started dating.

Engagement: 1 ½ years. In fact, a very strange engagement. I moved away from Missouri to be a live-in nanny in Connecticut. We thought that if we could survive with me being away for long periods of time then we could survive through anything. I can't say it's for the faint of heart, but we did it and succeeded perfectly. In fact, it was probably the best thing we could have ever done. It kept us away from each other and kept us from getting into trouble. Being a 20 year old in love is a scary thing. Sometimes women feel the need to DO certain things to MAKE a relationship last. This is so untrue. Having the separation really put some clarity into the questionable decisions we COULD HAVE made. It was a blessing.

Tell me a little bit about yourself - anything you choose. I am an insanely emotional human. I was paired with a man who can compartmentalize and deal with my emotions perfectly. I currently photograph and run my blog (fancybiscuit.com) and work full time. When I'm not doing either of those things you can catch me tweeting about pointless things or playing on my Xbox 360.

Who is the idealist in the relationship and who is the realist? I am the idealist. I swear I float in the clouds all day dreaming and imagining. My husband is 100% the realist. He is down to earth and has common sense beyond my wildest dreams. We are literally opposites in this area and yet we are perfectly made for each other. It seems as if God knew that people needed to be opposites to live in harmony.

Were there red flags that you chose to ignore, or deal with? What were they, and how have they played out? Not really. He did have many friends who were girls and that didn't sit well with me. However, after we were married that stopped immediately. One thing in marriage that most people don't understand is that usually you cannot have a platonic relationship with the opposite sex when you are married. It's very easy if you are friend with another "couple" but being friends solely with another's wife or another's husband is usually grounds for suspicion. Men and women these days aren't as moral as they used to be, and I watch my man! :) I also trust my man. If you don't have trust in your relationship you will find it hard to believe that they are being true to you. Trust is key people!

There's a certain mystery about marriage, and a fear of the unknown, especially for those of us who struggle with the idea of commitment. What settled you and gave you peace in your decision? I knew where his beliefs stood and I know his past and what traumatic events he has been through. I won't divulge those secrets on here, but my husband has had a difficult past and it made him the person he is today. He is very loyal and true. I knew this about him after spending 3 years talking and getting to know him. Like I said, we became best friends long before marriage and that's the most important thing. If your fiance is NOT your best friend, or your boyfriend wouldn't be caught dead buying you something in the store you love... reevaluate that! Some guys take longer than others, and I think sometimes they need to make sure you accept them too. Just picture yourself telling them secrets you tell your best girlfriends. If you can't do it, then ask yourself why and continually work on it. Being committed to your best friend is easy when you know that they accept you for YOU. Your husband/future husband should be able to do this and even help you become a better person!

Past serious relationships? Why did they end? Only 1. It was a very broken relationship based upon many lies and we had nothing in common. I can't say it wasn't painful, but it made me a better person today. That relationship ended because of lies. It's amazing how long it took me to fully trust my husband because of my ex-boyfriend. People can really mess you up, especially when you let them in too close. That is why you need to guard your heart. The right man is out there, you just need to make sure you don't give some of yourself away to someone who is not destined to be your husband.

Everyone knows that compromise is one of the most important keys to a healthy relationship. However, compromise is not the same as settling. Give me a couple examples of things you've compromised on in a healthy way, and things you've refused to 'settle' for. (In your marriage, or in previous relationships.) REFUSE to settle for a man who MIGHT hit you, refuse to settle for a man who can't stop joking like he does with the guys. Husband material MUST be able to be different with his wife then he is with his buddies at work. He MUST respect your privacy and mostly he must have a sincere love for you. I can't imagine marrying someone who didn't tell me that I'm beautiful everyday. I enjoy the fact my husband tells me he loves me 8 or 9 times a day. I love that SO SO much. Never settle for a man who is too stubborn to be sappy. Seriously.

Compromise! What a fancy word for headache! Learning to compromise is also not for the faint of heart, but once you have it down you can really cut petty fights out of your relationship. It used to take me and my husband HOURS to apologize for the dumbest things! Now, we can fight and make up in less than 10 minutes, if that! Sometimes what could be a fight will dissipate because the apology is thrown out directly as the argument starts. A good man can realize when he needs to to apologize. On normal things such as yardwork and dishes my husband and I exceed where we are good at things. My husband fixes the cars and does the yardwork because he knows I don't want to do those things and he knows I hate those things. I pay all the bills, and call people (for EVERYTHING) because my husband hates to do that. We used to give each other such a hard time because we felt like we were ALWAYS doing the same things, but then I realized that I'm super happy he mows the lawn and changes the oil. He is super happy that I call in Chinese every time and pay all the bills every month. After we realized what a blessing it is that the other does stuff that we hate... we realize we compromise and it's awesome.

Along the same line, women frequently overlook their man's "flaws" and end up harming themselves in the process. In your opinion, what are three unpardonable sins in a boyfriend or fiance that would warrant calling the whole thing off?

Above I said something about men "hitting"... and I mean it. If you EVER feel like your man is so violent or angry that he might haul off and hit you. You need to make a vital decision regarding that relationship. NO MAN who loves his woman would EVER hit her. Period.

The second unpardonable sin is cheating. If he did it to someone without a second glance, then he could very likely do it to you.

Third and final unpardonable sin. Drugs/Alcoholism - If a man has anything he pedestals above a faith or above his wife then you need to realize you will always be second to that. You will always be there to bail him out and clean up the mess. Make sure you realize WHY you are with him. Do you even know? Yes, it's hard. Yes, it's VERY HARD. But it's worth a look deeper, because there will always be a great man out there who would never make you suffer while he is high or so drunk that you are bailing him out of jail.

What's the biggest mistake you see single women making today? Sleeping with men they are not married to. This is a personal opinion. When you enter into an intimate relationship with someone you are giving SO much of yourself to that person. You do NOT need to sleep with a man to keep him around. You do not need to do things that make you feel uncomfortable. If you feel pressured, then it's time to be worried about the stipulations you are under in your relationship. If a man loves you, he will never pressure you into doing something that you don't want to do.

What's the biggest mistake you see newlyweds making today? Getting divorced too quickly. Not taking the time to make it work. Marriage is no longer sacred to mainstream America because people get divorced left and right and for frivolous ridiculous reasons. "My husband didn't ever understand me." "My husband never lets me do what I want!" Boo-effing-hoo! (A little harsh I know!) But C'MON girls! It's not all sparkles and cakes when you get married. It's nitty and gritty and worth it! Years 2 & 3 were by far the hardest but I can't imagine year 7 being this amazing if we hadn't seen the lows. WORK through it! Not working? Get counseling! Man up and do what it takes to make it work. You loved each other enough the day you said I do, right? You didn't get there assuming separation in the next few years. Work on getting back to that wonderful place! :)

If you could go back and tell your 15 year old self one thing about relationships, what would it be? I would tell my 15 year old self to be a smart ass. Don't dumb down for anything. I don't have anything to prove to a guy being 15 years old. I can slow down. Smell the roses. I had no idea that my future husband was nowhere to be seen at the time. All the boys you see at 15 are just BOYS. You don't want to put too much of your heart into that. Everything changes after you graduate high school.

To your 21 year old self? Congrats your married! ;) Never thought you'd be married when you were 21 did ya? Haha! Seriously though, I'd tell myself to stop worrying about my husband so much, I would tell myself to be honest and true about everything and I would tell myself that in 6 years from now that I would have the most amazing relationship of my life. Well worth the trouble!!!

What were your greatest fears as a single woman, that have been eased now that you're married? Being accepted fully as I am. My imperfect body, my emotional highs and lows, my inability to do dishes or clean the house very well. I thought that a man would hate me if I wasn't super domestic. Seems as if that has flown out of the window too. :) My husband and I take turns cooking, cleaning and we both always make each other feel loved. I always wanted someone who was super faithful and I knew would be like my great grandpa who once stated he "never looked at another woman because he never wanted to compare" and it's true! Guys have a blueprint mind and they can remember those things, even if it is awful, it's true. My husband is the perfect definition of that and I'm super blessed to have such an honest and loving person in my life.

13 comments:

kelly summers said...

I really love this project, Lauren. As a newlywed, these are all the little pieces of advice I want and need. You're finding incredible women to interview and I can't wait for each woman's story.

Trish Palac said...

I'm with Kelly and adore this project, Lauren! Being a newlywed as well, I love hearing the pain and triumphs of these wonderful women! Each story is so different and so helpful. I love being married and I love my husband. Seeing other women enjoying and working on their marriages is truly an inspiration.

Jamie said...

Danielle Rocks.
Love it.

happy owl erin said...

great post, love when my Danielle friends gets to share wonderful things about herself and her man.
xoxox D

Liz said...

Fantastic post, by the lovely Danielle! xo

Lauren Nicole said...

danielle is amazing. one of very few married women that i see and say 'i want that'. the two of them are equals, which is the way it should be. i love the respect that i see and read about in their relationship and the total trust. really, i cannot put into so many good words on how much i love this girl and this post. everything stated and opinioned here is perfect, in my eyes. thanks so much for featuring a truly good woman.

JLYoungsma said...

Danielle is an inspiration and a truly wonderful and caring woman. One of the best.
She knows I <3 her.

grrfeisty said...

this is awesome!

Sidcharise said...

That's my daughter... I'm so proud!

Jenna said...

beautiful! glad to meet you, and thank you for being so honest and forthright with your answers! Seems to fit the vision for the site perfectly.

Matt Herman said...

In a way it seems kind of wierd because I am a guy, but I think this is awesome.

Thanks Danielle and Lauren!

Larrissa said...

I just wanna say you are a very very smart young lady:) There many many people that go a lifetime not knowing or realizing these things:) I really enjoyed this!

Overthinking Mama said...

this is so what i needed to hear. my boyfriend of a year has a goof friend that lives down the street from him. (we live 200miles apart) The friend is a female. Her husband hates my boyfriend. *red flag* yet she remains friends with my boyfriend... i have been recently thinking that he might be cheating, and honestly it wouldn't suprise me if it was with her. :-( I am all for friends with opposite sex... but i think if you are in a relationship that friendship needs to change and become a friendship of both the people in the relationship. I've only met this friend of his one time for less than 5 mins. :-(

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